Faith, Love, Mindset, Reflections

I Cannot Sit in that Space

I love you, but I can’t sit in that space with you. My days are much too full with work, homeschooling, transporting to this therapy and to that one. Never having more than ten minutes to myself, to think or process. No, that space is much too confining for me.

You see, I have a special needs kid who also happens to have seizures, primarily controlled by medicine, but there have been times when they were not. I’ve ridden ambulances too many times to count. I’ve spent days, a week or two in the hospital after an uncontrolled seizure. So I know fear, I have faced it head on and no, that is why, I cannot sit or be in that space with you.

I know the media has you all up in arms over this virus. Pump the fear, control behavior. It’s a perfect strategy, if you ask me. Ratchet it up enough and motives are never questioned. And right when you think, they may be losing their grip, they up the fear again. The cycle is endless. But I still won’t sit in that space with you.

I had to bury my mother, my best friend, while pregnant with my first child, my daughter. I watched my precious son have a full blown seizure at my dad’s wedding, which I never got to see because I was headed to the hospital in one of the first of many ambulance rides. I was cast aside by my then husband in the midst of my own medical crisis. So you see, I cannot sit in that space of fear.

Fear is a weapon, that is used to control and limit. It’s too overwhelming, it makes me feel even more isolated and alone. So it is not something, I will embrace. The Bible says, “for God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control.” 2 Timothy 1:7. Those are the qualities that this world needs now more than ever.

While it may be easy to sit in my home and listen to the news and entertain the doom and gloom, I will instead choose faith, love and hope because I do love you and I know that when fear is present, I cannot sit in that space.

With more love,

AngelaChristine

2 thoughts on “I Cannot Sit in that Space”

  1. Absolutely! I am very thankful for the lessons that God has taught me through my son and my own medical challenges. I almost died giving birth to my son. That same son was bitten by a tick a few years later. Because of the tickborne infections that I unknowingly passed to him inside the womb, he developed full blown Lyme Disease which triggered autoimmune encephalitis. But through my son’s journey to a Lyme Literate doctor, I was also treated for my infections which cleared up years of medical issues that were never addressed by previous doctors. Then when I thought we were in a better place, my husband was diagnosed with cancer when our daughter was only 3 weeks old. The peace of God is not based on life’s circumstances. It is based on the unshakable foundation that Jesus is alive! “Oh Death, where is your sting? Oh Grave, where is your victory?” (1 Cor 15:55) Fear is a normal human response to the unknown. But I can leave that fear at the feet of Jesus because he was the Word at the beginning of Creation (Alpha), and he is the Victor riding into the Battle at the end of the Tribulation (Omega). “We are more than conquerors through Him who loved us.” (Rom 8:37) “There is no fear in love, but perfect love drives out fear because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love.” (1 John 4:18)

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