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I started this blog not because I had a desire or inkling to do it, but because several friends on and off Facebook, encouraged me to do so. They said that when they have been unable to process something or unable to sleep, one of my posts pops up in their feed that encourages them or helps them sort something out. 

The average person might have  said, “thank you, for the compliment, that’s a great idea, I think I will do just that.” But instead, what I said was, “thank you, but I could never write a blog, I’m not that interesting and no one would even read it.” Talk about being a Negative Nelly!  I did exactly, what I encourage others not to do, I got up to bat and choked. 

How can I encourage others, when I can’t even encourage myself? I mean I do this all of the time. I tell my friends to think positively, pursue their dreams, blah, blah, blah! But in my mind there is a hard stop, that this can’t be done by me and I will fail. Why can’t the opposite be true? Why can’t I succeed? Why do I feel the need to tear myself down, when no one else is even trying to? 

I guess at some point in my childhood or somewhere early in life, I accepted that just because, Sally Sue is doing something, doesn’t mean that I can do it too. Boy, did I get that wrong. Writing a blog, a book or newspaper column is not a skill set that anyone is born with. Yes, there are some people who are naturally gifted at writing, but for the rest of us, it is a learned skill set, like building muscles that you’ve not used in quite some time. And yes, it may not be everyone’s cup of tea, but to give up before getting started is not wise either. So, instead of not doing, I will keep going to see what happens.

So today, I have made the decision to update this blog regularly, because my words do matter to some people, maybe more. Besides shouldn’t we always seek an opportunity to serve others, where they have a need? What good is a light, that is hidden from the people who need it most? 

Blessings!

AngelaChristine

Mindset, Faith, Belief

Morning Praise

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Mindset

The Default Trap

Unsettled

Many of you know by now that this blog site is a personal journey. It’s a place for me to capture my thoughts about my thoughts and reflect on the highs and lows of my life and even dream a little about what I’d like my future to look like. Of course, within the context of my walk with Christ.

What I am about to write, may sound a bit strange considering I was married (on paper) for 14 years, but can probably count one hand, how often I felt truly content in that relationship. At best, I was probably truly happy a half a dozen times. The first was on my wedding day and two other times, represent the days that my children were born. And the fourth was probably the day that I knew the marriage was officially over. I’d have to sit and think about the two additional times, if there were any.

There are so many things that I could unpack about that relationship and how it came to be, but that would highjack what I really wanted to say in this particular post. I think what I am trying to say is that I have had a lot of time to think since the separation and ultimately the divorce. First, I never felt grounded in that marriage. I always felt deep down that it was incomplete. Which is probably the reason, I couldn’t mourn the ending of that chapter of my life.

Now that there is some distance between myself and that relationship, the wind has returned. The desire to move and go somewhere else has returned but the way forward isn’t as clear as it was when we decided to move here. I am not even sure if moving is even the answer or if it’s just that I want to belong, or that I need to belong somewhere or to someone.

These past five years have been filled with accommodating my son and doing my best to keep my daughter’s life as normal as possible, not giving much thought to what might be fulfilling to me or what would keep me grounded. I just know that I am not grounded here. You see that is the default trap. Always in the in between. Never settled or sure. I want to be settled. I need to be settled.

I know that there is a place for me, for us. I just need for God to make it plain. I want to know where we should plant ourselves. I don’t want to pass on, an unsettled spirit to my children. While we wait, I am going to continue to trust in what he has already provided until the time comes for us to go or stay. Soon, I will know.

Until it’s time,

AngelaChristine