Belief, Faith, Family

While I Wait

Soar Like Eagles

I want to tell you that everything is okay, but if I did, I’d be lying.

I want to tell you that my leg is all healed up and I’m back to life as usual.

I also want to tell you that now that I am no longer receiving round the clock care, that I’m managing it all, but again, I would be lying.

You see on Friday, when the weight of it all hit me, I broke down. I cried like I haven’t cried in a while. I even screamed, asking God, why does it have to be this hard? When my daughter broke down and cried and asked me the same question and I couldn’t give her an answer that a 12 year old would fully understand, I cried even more.

Friday, was a sad day for my family. Sorrow filled. But then we woke up on Saturday morning to the most glorious sunshine and weather. It was God’s promise that mercies are made new every morning. It was also Him telling me that He sees us and we are not forgotten. It was Him hugging us. I so desperately needed that hug.

Then, today as we sat and listened to the message preached by my dear brother in Christ, Chad Garett, about sorrow, “ The Sorrowed Soul”, it resonated so deeply because of all the emotions over the past two days. He had no idea, how much I needed that message; not because it captured all of my emotions right now, but because there is absolutely nothing that I am experiencing right now in this moment that Jesus does not understand and cannot relate too. Every tear, every pain, every doubt and every fear, he feels and is moved by. “For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but one who in every respect has been tempted as we are, yet without sin.” Hebrews 4:15.

So, while this weekend has had a lot of tears and sorrow, I am choosing to trust that God is holding me and my children. “But they who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint.”

In Christian love,

AngelaChristine

Belief, Cancer, Faith, Family, Mindset

Standing In That Space

Valley of my life

What I try not to remember, is exactly what I need to remember, not to relive it or even give it a place in my life, but to finally say “I am done, these memories no longer serve me.” It is time to say goodbye and bury them once and for all.

Since my surgery six weeks ago, bits and pieces of past trauma have crept up into my brain. Almost taunting me to give up a little more of my protection, my shield, my independence. These feelings are so foreign to me now because I have built up a hard shell almost impenetrable to anyone even my children.

At some point in my childhood or maybe as a teenager, when I don’t remember, I made a decision, perhaps self-consciously or otherwise that emotion and feelings were for the weak. Maybe it started when my childhood friend, James committed suicide when I was in the ninth grade. That was my very first experience with death. I can remember that day, like it was yesterday, the kick in my stomach when the words rolled out of my dad’s mouth.

Or perhaps it was the following year, when the funniest guy in my class, Mark, was killed in a car accident, while joyriding with some of our classmates. He was the only in that crash, who did not survive. Then there was my dad’s promotion that required him to relocate at the start of my junior year in high school. New state, new school, no real friends. Once again, another layer of protection applied.

Somehow I managed to get through college and graduate school and start my career before the people closest to me began to die. My aunt Martha, Nana and the ultimate blow, my mom. Of course by the time my mom died the shell around my heart was titanium or some substance that only God could pierce, but only when I wanted him too.

What I have determined is that I do a great job of compartmentalizing to prevent myself from collapsing into the sheer pain of it all. To allow myself to feel that pain would leave me vulnerable and open in a way that would let the world know that I am really not as strong as I want everyone to believe that I am.

I am at my core, the woman that always wanted someone besides my mother and father to say everything is going to be just fine, with conviction. For my husband to say you have a purpose, a hope and a future designed by God. He (God) is standing in the doorway waiting for me to finally give it all to Him.

Though my legs are still wobbly and weak from these weeks of recovery, I will trust in Him. His plans for my life. I will stand in that space until all the pain and sadness have been stripped away from my heart and my mind.

For I know the plans, I have for you declares the Lord, plans for wholeness and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope. Jeremiah 29:11

In Christian love,

AngelaChristine

American, Belief, Faith, Family, Parenting

Stand In Faith For Your Posterity

Children Playing

As a Christian, we know that this world is not our home, but in America we have now reached a place where Christians are no longer respected but are ridiculed. In some cases, downright hostile to the point of shuttering churches and organizations that reflect our faith.

We cannot even send our children to the government schools without worrying about what they will be exposed to in the curriculum. Then there is the issue of bodily autonomy. The government schools believe that if your child is there, they must be accepting of whatever is taught, passed or mandated. No! Morals and values should be taught at home.

This is not the America that I grew up in. My childhood is filled with memories of parents, teaching and taking their children to church. Teaching them about God and how to live a life for Christ. With many of the teachers holding similar ideals. Though, I am now an advocate for homeschooling and believe it is ideal, I know that for some parents that is a nearly impossible undertaking due to work, life and finances.

So, I suggest this, create the community amongst the people whom you share the same ideals/values, and create the learning environment that you want for your children.

Now is the time to stop asking, mother may I and begin to establish the communities across the country that will best suit your children now and for years to come.

They are your children, given to you by God our Creator to glorify Him in this world. You do not need the government’s permission to parent and raise your children. But you do need, God.

Stand in faith for your posterity (children).

“Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord, the fruit of the womb a reward.” Psalm 127:3

In Christian love,

AngelaChristine

American, Freedom, Mindset

A Wise Man’s Heart Inclines To The Right

Let me be clear, I am not speaking of political affiliation here, but instead I am speaking in terms of right versus wrong. Since the beginning of history, man has always tried to change God’s natural law to accommodate his own desires, today is no different.

Remember this, an immoral nation is doomed to fail. Without a moral society, there is no liberty.

Woe to those who call evil good

    and good evil,

who put darkness for light

and light for darkness,

who put bitter for sweet

and sweet for bitter! Isaiah 5:20

Belief, Cancer, Dermatofibrosarcoma protuberans, Faith

Pride Is Not a Virtue

September 25, 2021

I am now four weeks post surgery and while I am feeling better and improving, I thought that now would be a good time to reflect on some very important lessons that I have learned along the way.

One, humbling yourself enough to admit that you can’t do it all is important. I went into this surgery believing that I would just need about a week of strict rest and then I’d be as good as new. Wrong! Turns out I needed more. Still need it, but that’s a conversation for another post. There is a reason that the Bible talks about pride in the way that it does. Pride goes before destruction, and a haughty spirit before a fall. Proverbs 16:18. Lesson learned here, don’t have so much pride that you are unwilling to ask for help. Check!

Two, people do really want to help and serve. I can honestly say that friends near and far have really tried to help me through this journey in ways that I never could have imagined. Tears still well up in my eyes when I think about it. Even accepting the help has been hard for me, why? Because I guess I didn’t believe that anyone would want to help me. Or that I even deserved it.

Even still as I am writing this post, one of my local mom friends is taking time out of her day to find me a respite person to give me relief from time to time. Guys, even that was something that I wouldn’t even do! Because again, that creepy thinking of I have to do it all myself keeps me from asking for help when I should.

I know that I am not perfect and never will be, but it is my hope to be more like Christ everyday. For the Bible says, make every effort to supplement your faith with virtue, and virtue with knowledge, and knowledge with self-control, and self-control with steadfastness, and steadfastness with godliness with brotherly affection with love. For if these qualities are yours and are increasing, they keep you from being ineffective or unfruitful in the knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ. 2 Peter 1: 5&6. While pride isn’t necessarily a bad thing, it certainly doesn’t meet the definition of virtuous.

As I continue this healing journey, it is my prayer that God will surgically remove more of that pride from my heart so that it might be replaced with humility.

Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will exalt you. James 4:10

In Christian love,

AngelaChristine

Cancer, Dermatofibrosarcoma protuberans, Surgery

The Part That I Never Share

I debated writing this post because being vulnerable is excruciatingly difficult for me. Even within my inner circle, sharing a day in my life isn’t easy. Not because I can’t share or even that I don’t want to share, but in my mind it feels as though I am not handling “it” and to me that is an admission that I am failing.

But, it goes deeper. I never want to seem like I am complaining. Even when my mother died (who happened to be the closest person to me in the world, my sister in Christ and very best friend), I compartmentalized her death until the thing next to her death, I had ever experienced happened. My son’s first seizure at my dad’s wedding. The one person that I needed to hold me up wasn’t there so I collapsed to the floor, I’m a heap of tears, hearing my family calling my name, my dad praying over my son, but in those painful moments waiting for the ambulance to arrive to take us to Vanderbilt Children’s Hospital, I was in effect unresponsive. I had lost the ability to speak.

I had no idea at the time, what that was going to mean for my son and his future. But I can assure you, the years following have been anything but a cake walk.

Since that day, I have endured many more hospitalizations with my son, a big move, a divorce and most recently, cancer. People, like to say that, God will never put on you more than you can handle, but here is where I disagree. That statement is nowhere in the Bible, and two life has given me a whole lot that I haven’t handled… well. You see, I just compartmentalize and figure out how to do it myself, because if I don’t, I am a failure. By the way, that isn’t in the Bible either.

I guess, what I want you to know is in this moment, my life is hard, it is messy and today was not a very good day. Ethan’s nanny didn’t come because she was sick, the full moon last night set off seizures for Ethan and I tried to work (my job) and manage my son’s care while simultaneously trying to be mindful of my own recovery.

I am grateful for the daughter that I have, who has had to sacrifice more than any child her age ever should because were she not here, this day could have been far worse. Her presence kept both of us from going to the hospital today.

You’ve probably surmised by now, that my life is in no way conventional or sane. So, if anyone asks, this is why I want more than anything for my health and wellness business to grow. There is no job, that I could ever do that will ever accommodate the unpredictability of my life.

Growing in faith,

AngelaChristine

After bandages were removed- September 15
Current Events, Freedom, Friendship, Lifestyle, Love

A Real Friend

Friends

When you say you love me, but then tell me to go and get the jab when you already know my concerns, because you got it, I have to wonder do you really love me?

A real friend considers my uniqueness and physical differences that may play a role in how, I may respond to the jab.

A real friend understands that what may not cause them harm might cause me harm.

A real friend understands that I am fearfully and wonderfully made and I take my personal relationship with Christ, seriously.

A real friend sees me exercising and eating a nutrient dense diet that builds my body and my immune system.

A real friend recognizes that I do my own research and won’t blindly follow the government, media or doctors.

A real friend would warn me, if the road was out up ahead.

A real friend would know me well enough to know that I have made my decision after careful consideration.

A real friend would love me anyway and respect my decision, just as I have respected theirs.

A real friend would understand that one size does not fit all when it comes to medicine.

A real friend would never support any, mandate or rule that discriminates against anyone.

A real friend understands the importance of choice.

But, if my decision to abstain offends her and she determines that we can no longer be friends, I’ll let her know that I still love her as I love myself, which means I’d never knowingly ask her to harm herself to make me feel safe.

I am not scared, and I do not fear being sick as I know illness happens. “yet you do not know what tomorrow will bring. What is your life? For you are a mist that appears for a little time and then vanishes.” James 4:13.

While, I could spend my days worrying about what is happening in the world as many do, my time is better spent doing what Jesus has called me to do, which is sharing the gospel and living a faithful life, while there is still time, because as the Hebrew writer states, “And just as it is appointed for man to die once, and after that comes the judgment.” Hebrews 9:27.

Remember this, we have no control over life or death, no one can extend his or her life by one second longer than has been determined by God. “And which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to his span of life?” Matthew 6:27

In Christian love,

AngelaChristine

American, Belief, Faith, Family, Freedom

Love Thy Neighbor

It is not my responsibility to save you, only Jesus saves. “And there is salvation in no one else, for there is no other name under heaven given among men by which we must be saved.” Acts 4:12. It is not my responsibility to spoon feed you all of the data and research that I have spent countless hours doing, but I do it because I love you. “You shall love your neighbor as yourself, there is no greater commandment than these.” Mark 12:31. It is not my responsibility to show you the beauty of our Constitutional Republic, only you can pick up a copy of our Declaration of Independence and read it. “We hold these Truths to be self-evident, that all Men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty, and the Pursuit of Happiness- That to secure these Rights, Governments are instituted among Men, deriving their just Powers from the Consent of the Governed, that whenever any Form of Government becomes destructive of these Ends, it is the right of the people to alter or to abolish it, and to institute new Government, laying its Foundation on such Principles, and organizing its Powers in such Form, as to them shall seem most likely to effect their Safety and Happiness.”

It is not responsibility to make you believe that God loves you and sent his one and only son for your salvation. ” For God so loved the world, that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life.” John 3:16. It is not my responsibility to make you understand that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit. “Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you, whom you have from God? You are not your own, for you were bought with a price. So glorify God in your body.” I Corinthians 6:19&20

It is my responsibility to share the good news as Christ commanded over 2000 years ago. But acceptance is up to you. ” All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me. Go therefore and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, teaching them to observe all that I have commanded you. And behold I am with you always.” Matthew 28:18-20.

In Christian love,

AngelaChristine

Love the Neighbor
American, Belief, Current Events, Faith

I Wanted to Walk Away

How many times have you wanted to walk away from something that you knew was important, but no longer felt you could do? Or just that you felt that no one was really listening, so why bother? That is how I feel about what is happening in our country right now. Almost everyday there is a new challenge or battle to fight. A new adversity that seems to just pop out of thin air. For all of the battles that our country has fought to become that beacon on a hill for the world, it seems that has been replaced with a thunderous roar to destroy the greatest nation on this planet.

I guess it makes sense, since America, is the last nation standing on the precipice of good and decent in the world. Aside from Israel of the Old Testament our country is the only country to have been founded on God’s law, also known as the Ten Commandments. It was this belief that inspired the Declaration of Independence, the very document that no one seems to revere or recognize as valid in the “woke” era. The Founders believed that our people would walk in the liberty of Christ and thus would act morally and in an upright way. But as time and history has shown us, eventually man becomes tired of doing good and will create ways to defile and dishonor our Creator, Jehovah.

If I am being honest, I was beginning to lose hope. By now, I thought that more people would have awakened to the crimes against humanity that have plagued our nation for the past 18 months. Unfortunately, my appeal to human decency and morality has gone virtually unnoticed. I dare say, we are more depraved now than ever before in our short history as a nation. Though debatable in 2021, I still want to believe that there is still hope for us. I still want to believe that we can be restored, if only we have the will and the desire to remove the evil that plagues our nation. It will not be easy and it will not be pleasant. We are not only fighting a physical battle, but a spiritual one. Of the two, the spiritual is the most important.

If my people who are called by my name humble themselves, and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then I will hear them from heaven and will forgive their sin and heal their land. II Chronicles 7:14

It is time, it is time for every Christian in this nation to collectively repent and to say no more, no more! Sitting on the sidelines or looking to someone else to do the work, will no longer stand. It is time to care and to do something while there is still time. Because tomorrow may be too late.

In Christ alone and for America,

AngelaChristine

Photo by Wendy van Zyl on Pexels.com
Belief, Lifestyle, Mindset

Are We Under A Spell?

Pharmaceuticals

I’ve been praying and asking God, to help me understand why people are rushing out to get a jab that is unapproved, has never been used before in humans and doesn’t have any long term safety or efficacy data available; but then I was reminded of this important fact. You see, the word pharmaceutical comes from the Greek word, pharmakeia, which means sorcery.

It is my belief that the spell was cast through the consumption of the news and being told how deadly and dangerous this virus was on a 24/7 news cycle. When the mind hears something over and over again, eventually it perceives it as the truth. Which is why facts about the jab have been virtually ignored. You see this is why I make it a point to not watch the news.

Contrary to what you may believe, there is no greater good when it comes to the government. There is an agenda to destroy our Constitutional Republic and if there is any chance for survival, we need to return to God and beg Him for forgiveness. He is the only one who can stop what is happening and what is coming.

Hear this well, the window is closing but there is still hope.

In Christian love,
AngelaChristine

https://www.theopenscroll.com/pharmakeia.htm