Faith, Love, Reflections

Without You

Who would I be without You? Without You, my life would be a heap of ashes, without a hope and without a future. Without You, I would barely be hanging on. Without You, my words would have no meaning, my life a waste. Without you, I would be unsaved and destined for damnation. Without You, I’d never know that love is patient and is kind.

I pray that I will never forget, Who you are and all you have done for me; because I never want to live this life without You.

“With my whole heart I seek you; let me not wander from your commandments!” Psalm 119:10

In Christ alone,

AngelaChristine

View during walk after dinner

Belief, Faith, Grief, Love

Walking Through Sorrow

It’s been four months since my precious son left this life and there isn’t one day that I don’t think of him. It’s not possible for me to forget the joy that he brought into my life. He made me a warrior, a fighter, he made me brave.

I try to stay busy, because sitting with my thoughts for too long is too hard. I have to pack, but it seems like I barely get started before I stop. I know that it needs to be done, but for some reason, I can find a million distractions. I wonder if it’s because part of me feels like packing makes his death final or is just a reminder that this next journey doesn’t include him.

I know that God has him. There is no doubt in my mind that he is healed and happy. I’m just sad that it didn’t happen for me to see. Sometimes, I find myself calling him to come and give me a hug, I just want to hold him and snuggle. But he doesn’t come. Maybe he doesn’t miss me in the way that I miss him.

I still wonder why he had to leave and I know that I may never get the answers that I am seeking. I guess I just want to know why I had to go through another hurt so deep that breathing hurts. But God doesn’t owe me an explanation so I’ll accept that His grace is sufficient.

Besides I guess none of us gets to leave this planet without some amount of sorrow. Just seems that I have had enough for two lifetimes. Maybe there is a lesson in that for me to learn. I guess, I need to figure it out, because I am tired of walking through sorrow and having grief as a constant companion.

Perhaps, I’ll wake up one day and grief will be gone and if she is, I pray that I am ready for the day.

In Christian love,

AngelaChristine

Morning Kisses
Faith, Grief, Love

In My Grief, I Will Be Grateful

Two months ago today my son went to be with Jesus. Most days it is still so hard for me to process, even if I make it seem as though I am.
I still struggle with what could I have done differently that day, that would have kept him here. Then there are times I walk by his room and want to cry out in anguish that he is not here.
But then I remember who controls it all. The one who gives the birds outside my window in the mornings their song to sing. The one who breathes life into me and my daughter every single day. He is the one who gives peace we are too finite to understand.
In my anguish I can still have peace and know that every single tear that falls from my eyes he notices and catches in his hands.
I am never alone or forgotten, his hugs never expire.

I fall down on my knees in gratitude. I will never stop serving the Lord.

Always in Christ,
AngelaChristine

Belief, Faith, Family, Love, Sadness

Grief and Love

On February 7, 2022, my only son died. I don’t know why, the autopsy did not provide that answer. In fact, we are still waiting to learn what could have gone wrong. Perhaps, we will never know. Would knowing even quench my grief or would it just leave me wondering what I could have done to stop it?

My son was the joy of my heart, he was an amazing kid. Though he had autism diagnosis (vaccine injury) and epilepsy (another vaccine injury), his heart was so big! He loved so big! My heart grew bigger because of him. His challenges made me draw closer to God for answers and guidance, but after countless treatments, divorce and relocation, I arrived at acceptance. Acceptance that he would always live with me and I would always live with him. I was his person and he was mine.

This only came to me two weeks prior to his death, which was right around his eleventh birthday. I had finally come to accept the love that he always had for me and readily embraced it with my whole heart and soul. Though I had always led him by the hand, I had finally accepted that he would now lead me. And he did.

There is so much to write and say about my sweet boy; eventually I will. But today, I am writing about the grief and the gut wrenching sadness I feel because he is no longer here for me to drive to therapy everyday or to drive his sister nuts. I grieve because he never had the opportunity to reach his fullest potential. I grieve because everyday going forward won’t include him. Trips we plan to take and adventures we are sure to have will not include him. I grieve because my heart loved a little boy that was only with me for a little while. I grieve because I just miss him.

I know that he is perfect in the arms of Jesus. I know that he is doing all the things that he was unable to do here on Earth. I know that he is waiting to be reunited with me someday. But I also know that I will never be the same because I loved him and he loved me. That piece of my heart that is now broken will never be repaired because it can’t, it belonged to Ethan Evan and always will.

My life will never be the same nor should it be, but it will forever be changed. I can only hope, for the better.

“The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit. “ Psalm 34:18

Always Ethan’s mom,

AngelaChristine

Current Events, Freedom, Friendship, Lifestyle, Love

A Real Friend

Friends

When you say you love me, but then tell me to go and get the jab when you already know my concerns, because you got it, I have to wonder do you really love me?

A real friend considers my uniqueness and physical differences that may play a role in how, I may respond to the jab.

A real friend understands that what may not cause them harm might cause me harm.

A real friend understands that I am fearfully and wonderfully made and I take my personal relationship with Christ, seriously.

A real friend sees me exercising and eating a nutrient dense diet that builds my body and my immune system.

A real friend recognizes that I do my own research and won’t blindly follow the government, media or doctors.

A real friend would warn me, if the road was out up ahead.

A real friend would know me well enough to know that I have made my decision after careful consideration.

A real friend would love me anyway and respect my decision, just as I have respected theirs.

A real friend would understand that one size does not fit all when it comes to medicine.

A real friend would never support any, mandate or rule that discriminates against anyone.

A real friend understands the importance of choice.

But, if my decision to abstain offends her and she determines that we can no longer be friends, I’ll let her know that I still love her as I love myself, which means I’d never knowingly ask her to harm herself to make me feel safe.

I am not scared, and I do not fear being sick as I know illness happens. “yet you do not know what tomorrow will bring. What is your life? For you are a mist that appears for a little time and then vanishes.” James 4:13.

While, I could spend my days worrying about what is happening in the world as many do, my time is better spent doing what Jesus has called me to do, which is sharing the gospel and living a faithful life, while there is still time, because as the Hebrew writer states, “And just as it is appointed for man to die once, and after that comes the judgment.” Hebrews 9:27.

Remember this, we have no control over life or death, no one can extend his or her life by one second longer than has been determined by God. “And which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to his span of life?” Matthew 6:27

In Christian love,

AngelaChristine

American, Belief, Faith, Family, Freedom, Love, Mindset, Reflections

My Hope for America

This morning before I started my Bible study, I started to think about where we are as a nation and my heart began to grieve. I thought to myself, how can I say that I love God, with all heart and all my soul and hate my neighbor. Please don’t misunderstand my message here, I don’t have to condone or support behaviors that are in violation of God’s law, I will not do that, but I can love you and show you kindness because that is what God does for me daily.
God is the creator and Jesus died for every single one of us on this planet. It is through his blood that we can have salvation.

So, that made me think again as to why there is this push and desire to segregate ourselves. Who benefits from division and segregation? It certainly isn’t me or anyone else that I know.
Hear me out, we aren’t going to agree on everything, because all of us come from different backgrounds and experiences. In my case, my Christian faith supersedes every man made philosophy or belief system because it is imperfect and very likely against God’s will for my life.
Let me be clear here, if we have disagreements on certain topics, I can assure you, it will not be based on the color of your skin. God has already addressed this in Acts 17:26 and Romans 2:11& 12.
Besides, I have too many friends that look nothing like me, that have been by my side many times when I needed them. If we can’t get past all of this color/race nonsense of one race being superior/ inferior to another then we are absolutely doomed as a nation.

It is my prayer that we can one day have in our hearts to be united as Americans instead of unhappy, warring tribes.

In Christ,
AngelaChristine ❤️

Belief, Faith, Family, Love, Mindset, Parenting

The Other Side of the Story

This afternoon was a first. The first time, my son has experienced a seizure while doing his most favorite thing to do on the playground and that is to swing. Sure, he has had a seizure while we were out hiking. But today was different my son fell off the swing on the playground on his face and had a seizure. That is the side of the story that you don’t see.

Sure, I make it look like everything is under control. I show up and I smile on social media, because I have too, but on days like this one, I truly want to scream. I want to scream because of all that my son has had to endure and what he continues to endure because of my ignorance, when it came to vaccines. It’s true, seizures are a side effect of vaccines and a whole host of other issues, such as cancer in children.

But I digress. Our country is changing and not for the better. Every value that you may currently hold dear is slipping away because everyone has decided that compliance is safe and the government would never harm it’s people. You are wrong! The government would and is harming it’s people for the so called “greater good.” And I refuse to allow myself or my children to be subjected to such calculated unrelenting evil.

So, while my day to day experiences may be of no concern to you, please know that what I experience may soon become the norm, not only in children, but in adults, who could have said no, but chose not to out of fear instead of knowledge.

You have been warned and prayed for, but if you continue down this path, please do not look to me for answers. I will be too busy doing what I always do and that is protecting and providing for my children with every fiber of my being. I just pray that there is still time for you.

Always,

AngelaChristine

Belief, Faith, Family, Holidays, Love, Mindset, Parenting

I May Never Be Perfect

What a beautiful and glorious day here in Northwest Georgia. I just finished listening to an inspirational message about mother’s from dare I say my favorite evangelist, Chad Garrett at IndianLand church of Christ (churchofchristindianland.org) and I felt encouraged to write a post about the importance and necessity of biblical mothers in 2021.

As a divorced mother of two children, I feel like I am failing most days. Almost like, I just can’t get it all done even though in my heart I desire to do so. Going back in time I could never have imagined that at this stage of my life, it would still be this hard, but it is. Because well my son, has health challenges that require much more of me than the typical child would need at the age of ten.

Please don’t see this as a complaint or resentment, it is just a reflection of what is and my everyday reality. This is part of my story. But I don’t plan to be defined by it. My daily is prayer is that God will give me just what I need for each day ahead and that I will be grateful. That is what I want and need.

I want to count it all a joy, when the laundry is clean but not folded. I want to count it all joy, when we have good nourishing food to eat, but maybe the pots don’t get washed and put away immediately following. I want to count it all a joy, when maybe we didn’t finish the lessons that we planned for the day, but my daughter mastered whatever we did cover.

I want to believe that my children will know that in my failures, I never gave up or walked away. That even in my exhaustion, I put my faith in God and believed that He would give me the provisions for one more day. Even when I can’t process another step in my weary mind.

A scripture that I’ve read many times stood out to me today, because well maybe it was what God especially needed me to hear because the last week has been so brutal (a story for another day). It says this, “Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.” Proverbs 31:30

That is the point, the woman who puts all of her faith in God is able to do all the things. While I fall short often, I am thankful and grateful that God gives me grace and forgiveness.

I want to encourage you as a wife, mother, or wherever you are in your life to believe that you matter and are loved, no matter how messy you believe your life to be. You are far more precious than rubies and you cannot be replaced.

God needs more mothers to put Him first as an example to her husband and to her children. We may never be perfect, but we can certainly be complete in Christ Jesus.

I can do all things through him who strengthens me. Philippians 4:13

Happy Mother’s Day!

AngelaChristine

Living with gratitude
Faith, Family, Lifestyle, Love, Mindset, Parenting, Wellness

Life, but abundant!

Wow! Just three short years ago, I said yes to feeling better. I said yes, to being able to sleep through the night, I said yes to better digestive health and debilitating fatigue.

I didn’t know then what that yes, would blossom into, but I just knew that I wanted to feel better because I wasn’t living, I was merely surviving and that wasn’t good enough.

Since that time, my health is on track, I am building a legacy business. I am in school working towards my functional nutrition certification and best of all I am available for the most important people in my life, my children.

I want to encourage you to do the same, if you’re struggling with your health, your finances, your relationships, I invite you to be a part of tribe of women (and men), who are doing all the things without the hustle or sacrifice. Just surviving is not where it’s at.
Living abundantly is!

It’s time to say, yes!!

Living life to the full,

AngelaChristine