Belief, Cancer, Dermatofibrosarcoma protuberans, Faith

Pride Is Not a Virtue

September 25, 2021

I am now four weeks post surgery and while I am feeling better and improving, I thought that now would be a good time to reflect on some very important lessons that I have learned along the way.

One, humbling yourself enough to admit that you can’t do it all is important. I went into this surgery believing that I would just need about a week of strict rest and then I’d be as good as new. Wrong! Turns out I needed more. Still need it, but that’s a conversation for another post. There is a reason that the Bible talks about pride in the way that it does. Pride goes before destruction, and a haughty spirit before a fall. Proverbs 16:18. Lesson learned here, don’t have so much pride that you are unwilling to ask for help. Check!

Two, people do really want to help and serve. I can honestly say that friends near and far have really tried to help me through this journey in ways that I never could have imagined. Tears still well up in my eyes when I think about it. Even accepting the help has been hard for me, why? Because I guess I didn’t believe that anyone would want to help me. Or that I even deserved it.

Even still as I am writing this post, one of my local mom friends is taking time out of her day to find me a respite person to give me relief from time to time. Guys, even that was something that I wouldn’t even do! Because again, that creepy thinking of I have to do it all myself keeps me from asking for help when I should.

I know that I am not perfect and never will be, but it is my hope to be more like Christ everyday. For the Bible says, make every effort to supplement your faith with virtue, and virtue with knowledge, and knowledge with self-control, and self-control with steadfastness, and steadfastness with godliness with brotherly affection with love. For if these qualities are yours and are increasing, they keep you from being ineffective or unfruitful in the knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ. 2 Peter 1: 5&6. While pride isn’t necessarily a bad thing, it certainly doesn’t meet the definition of virtuous.

As I continue this healing journey, it is my prayer that God will surgically remove more of that pride from my heart so that it might be replaced with humility.

Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will exalt you. James 4:10

In Christian love,

AngelaChristine

Cancer, Dermatofibrosarcoma protuberans, Surgery

The Part That I Never Share

I debated writing this post because being vulnerable is excruciatingly difficult for me. Even within my inner circle, sharing a day in my life isn’t easy. Not because I can’t share or even that I don’t want to share, but in my mind it feels as though I am not handling “it” and to me that is an admission that I am failing.

But, it goes deeper. I never want to seem like I am complaining. Even when my mother died (who happened to be the closest person to me in the world, my sister in Christ and very best friend), I compartmentalized her death until the thing next to her death, I had ever experienced happened. My son’s first seizure at my dad’s wedding. The one person that I needed to hold me up wasn’t there so I collapsed to the floor, I’m a heap of tears, hearing my family calling my name, my dad praying over my son, but in those painful moments waiting for the ambulance to arrive to take us to Vanderbilt Children’s Hospital, I was in effect unresponsive. I had lost the ability to speak.

I had no idea at the time, what that was going to mean for my son and his future. But I can assure you, the years following have been anything but a cake walk.

Since that day, I have endured many more hospitalizations with my son, a big move, a divorce and most recently, cancer. People, like to say that, God will never put on you more than you can handle, but here is where I disagree. That statement is nowhere in the Bible, and two life has given me a whole lot that I haven’t handled… well. You see, I just compartmentalize and figure out how to do it myself, because if I don’t, I am a failure. By the way, that isn’t in the Bible either.

I guess, what I want you to know is in this moment, my life is hard, it is messy and today was not a very good day. Ethan’s nanny didn’t come because she was sick, the full moon last night set off seizures for Ethan and I tried to work (my job) and manage my son’s care while simultaneously trying to be mindful of my own recovery.

I am grateful for the daughter that I have, who has had to sacrifice more than any child her age ever should because were she not here, this day could have been far worse. Her presence kept both of us from going to the hospital today.

You’ve probably surmised by now, that my life is in no way conventional or sane. So, if anyone asks, this is why I want more than anything for my health and wellness business to grow. There is no job, that I could ever do that will ever accommodate the unpredictability of my life.

Growing in faith,

AngelaChristine

After bandages were removed- September 15