Category: Love

American, Belief, Faith, Family, Love, Mindset, Wellness

Fearfully and Wonderfully Made

Angela Ireland
For I will restore health to you, and your wounds I will heal, declares the Lord- Jeremiah 30:17

It is almost hard to believe that a year has passed since this psychological warfare of SARS-COV-2, was unleashed on the world. In the beginning, I was like most Americans, concerned about what the virus would do to the population, but not scared. I never felt that I needed to cover my face or hide out in my home, because as a scientist by education and experience, I knew that none of those behaviors would decrease my risk of getting infected or sick. So, I just lived my life as though nothing had changed. Of course, all the while supporting my body with proper nutrition, rest, exercise and oxygen.

Today, I am still living my life just as I did before Covid 19, became baked into our vernacular. I have managed to remain alive in the midst of the pandemic without following any of the guidelines provided by the CDC or World Health Organization. Has my stance been challenging at times? Yes! But, I have I never felt endangered by my decision. Unlike, most people, I believe my health and wellness are my responsibility. I do not subscribe to the idea that the government knows more than me. If it did, we wouldn’t lead the world in chronic diseases.

So, why does the majority of the US population believe in these measures that aren’t rooted in logic or reason (the root of science); but can simultaneously spew that “you must trust the science?” How can I be expected to trust in a science that doesn’t acknowledge common sense? Or more importantly, the rights of the individual. That is the very foundation of our Declaration of Independence; the rights of the individual must not be infringed upon by the government. Yet, here we are. Many businesses are still closed or not at capacity, companies that have remained open are unable to hire due to crippling debt. And the churches, are still closed to the very people that need fellowship, restoration and renewal. But the real losers in this debacle are the children and the families. Our children are paying the price of ill conceived ideas forced upon them by ignorant adults. How will history remember this time period?

But the people who I have been most challenged by are not those in the world, but those that claim to be in the household of faith..Christians. From the sidelines, I have witnessed Christians fuel the propaganda and miseducation campaigns as though it is their highest duty. I have even watched them politicize race to coerce or guilt people into following this sham and even still virtual signaling their superiority over the ones that refuse to support or propagate the government agenda. Their behavior reminds me of the religious leaders during Jesus’ day. Where are the fruits of the spirit? Where is the compassion, grace or understanding? Where is the love? Shame!! Your behavior has made a mockery of the Lord’s church!!

Where in the Bible does it say that we will never get sick or experience heartache or despair? As if we can do anything in our own power to extend life. Yet, many will drive a million miles to point out how selfish those who have refused the propaganda are, but won’t take five minutes to offer assistance to friends and family who are suffering as a result of these draconian measures.

It is time for us to remember who we are and fight to preserve our ability to worship in spirit and in truth and to be one nation under God. Let us live set apart, sanctified lives proving to the world that we believe above all else the words of our Father in heaven.

For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well. Psalm 139:13&14

In Christian love,

AngelaChristine

Belief, Faith, Family, Love, Mindset, Parenting, Reflections

This Is Too Hard

Angela Ireland

The past two weeks have been extra tough. The fatigue that plagued me for several years came back a couple of weeks ago and hasn’t relented until today. Just to give a little context, I was diagnosed with Hashimoto’s on August 1, 2018, which was exactly one month before my husband at the time texted me to let me know that essentially our marriage was done. In spite of that, I have been able to manage it without medication. However, yesterday was the first time, I have ever considered going on medication due to level of exhaustion that I have been feeling.

I don’t recall there being a specific event or activity that happened that would have thrown me off, or caused me to feel this down, but something did happen to remind me that I am not invincible and I shouldn’t expect to do it all. Which sounds completely insane to me, when I have to do it all, because there is no one else to do what I do. Or perhaps, I’m expecting more than I should. Perhaps, it should be simpler.

This is the trick about growth, sometimes when you make the decision to elevate your life, you sometimes have to tap into areas that you may not want to tap into. When I started working with my Business Leadership Coach, I knew that I would have to tackle mindset and vision, but to go to places that I had never prepared to visit has been harder than I thought it would be.

I believe that I am in the land of limiting beliefs and instead of confronting those beliefs, I have allowed my brain to use the avoidance key, so that I don’t have to tackle what I know to be true and that awareness has manifested itself in the physical of overwhelming fatigue.

An overwhelming fatigue that was finally helped by my taking a walk with my daughter this afternoon. While I chatting with her, I realized that in order for her to do the hard stuff, I have to model it for her. When my mind wants to give me the option of avoidance, I have to conscientiously say no, otherwise nothing changes and my daughter will not understand the meaning of sticking with it, even when you think that you can’t.

While I still have more mind clearing to do, I am keenly aware of the eyes that are watching me. While I may get worn from time to time, it’s okay to allow my children the opportunity to see that I am fallible and that I am still learning too. I am learning to walk closer to Jesus and to leave my burdens with him. I am building my confidence by adjusting my habits and my expectations. I am giving myself grace when I fall a bit short and I have accepted that breaks are necessary to prevent the overwhelm and burnout.

My journey has only just begun and I will arrive where I am meant to be at precisely the right time.

With grace,

AngelaChristine

Belief, Faith, Family, Love, Parenting

I Don’t Have to Live in Fear

Angela Ireland

I could say, that the fear is completely gone. But, if I did, I’d be lying. There was a period of time when the seizures weren’t here. It was the space between my dad’s wedding and the move to Georgia, but then they returned or perhaps they never left….

I often think, that seizures are like a wound that just refuses to close. It’s like it closes with medication and then something happens or maybe it doesn’t and the wound begins to weep again. The pus flows out into our lives just as we are beginning to accept that we’re in a good space until we’re not and once again, I recognize that it’s not under my control. I am not control.

In his ten short years of life, he has probably seen the inside of an ambulance more times than I have in my entire fifty years. My heart breaks, each time we have had to take that ride. Each time, it’s the same questions, it’s the same answer, “his doctor needs to increase his medication and that will stop the breakthrough seizures,” well until it doesn’t. Why continue to throw medication until it sticks without asking why? Why are they happening what is the root cause for the seizures? The answer, “sometimes, we just don’t know.” But we can run some tests? Perhaps that will give us a clue. “Sure, I say, let’s run more tests, perhaps there is something we missed in the nine thousand other tests.”

When the tests come back normal, the answer is once again “we just don’t know, but we have still more medication options should we need to go that route.” How can we be so dependent on a system with so few answers about keeping us healthy? Perhaps, keeping us healthy isn’t the objective at all and so they run tests and remain vague just to give us enough hope to keep going back for more medication and the “it’s just inevitable.”

This morning, we worshipped online, because the seizures came and my son was of course in no condition to get up and going. It’s in those moments that I realize how not normal my life really is. You see, just when we think that seizures are in our rear view mirror and we begin to feel as though we can live normally, they come and we adapt again. Again.

Perhaps the average person, would give up and curse God. There have been times that I have contemplated those two things, but then somehow God reminds me of all of the times, He has kept his promises and brought the people and resources into my life when I couldn’t see how whatever it was would work out. Each and every time! By His divine authority it has come together for our good. I weep with gratitude.

As Christians, it often pains us to see the suffering around us and to not get caught up in what the world may say about God and His existence because of all of the devastation. But then I am reminded that Jesus bore it ALL. Not some of it, all of it. Every tear, every sin, every pain, every seizure, Jesus bore all of it.

No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation he will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it. I Corinthians 10:13

I am not without help, I am loved, my Ethan is loved and He is providing for us, so I will continue to trust in Him. And I hope that you can too.

Agape!

AngelaChristine

Belief, Faith, Family, Love, Mindset, Parenting

Separation

Angela Ireland

Spoiler alert! What I am about to write here is not going to be easy. In fact, I am almost reluctant to write this post because the topic that I am about to write about makes me vulnerable and lays bare my heart for all the world to see.. literally.

You see, my life was not supposed to be this way. I had a wonderful childhood, Christian upbringing. My parents were married until the day my mother died twelve years ago. They collectively raised us to believe in the Bible and to put God first. Going to worship on Sunday’s and Wednesday’s was expected. To my parents, nothing outside of an illness or an act of God, should keep you from service. Even when I went off to college, I maintained the same habits because well it was expected and trying to explain to my godly parents why I didn’t attend worship was just not an option of consideration.

Fast forward a couple of decades later and here I am divorced with the responsibility of raising two children, who happen to need both parents on my own. I’m not going to complain because it was my choice to marry the person that I did, without understanding the ramifications of unequally yoked when I said, I do. First, mistake.

Well, it wasn’t all bad because over the course of “the marriage”, I was blessed to give birth to two beautiful children. But didn’t realize how significantly different our child rearing philosophies were until, rearing was needed. Second mistake.

But it wasn’t until the day that my son had his first seizure that I truly began to understand how deep the fissure was in my marriage and very likely could not be repaired. But luckily for everyone I was taught that divorce or separation was not an option. So I stayed and I stayed. We even relocated to a different state with the hope that we could make it work. Third mistake.

But when he decided that he had enough and did not want to spend another second in wedded bliss, it became abundantly clear that staying all those years had lasting perhaps permanent effects on my children. My daughter, in particular.

My daughter turned 12 this past Saturday, officially a pre-teen. But what does that even mean, when you’re squished between wanting to have a tiny bit more freedom and having to be your mother’s helper? Because your younger brother has extra needs and complaining and be ungrateful would be mean spirited to your mother, whose plate is on the verge of shattering!

Tonight, I felt it! My daughter sobbed in my lap, not for any particular reason, but for one very important reason, her mother’s attention! All of the behaviors and push back was a little girl crying out against separation and feeling unworthy because her parents aren’t together. Feeling out of place because she can’t share the typical brother and sister stuff with a brother that is broken. All she knows is that she only gets a piece of her mother, just like everyone else that she has to fit into the nooks and crannies of her life.

You see, I can’t relate to the divorce. I can relate to separation in the context of the death of my mother. I can’t relate to not having my grandparents around because both sets were Big in my life, my Nana in particular. She was my mother’s mother. I can’t relate to being unable to travel to see the one person that treated my daughter like royalty when she would go to her home for visits because of Covid-19. This is uncharted territory for me. Because well, my life wasn’t supposed to be this way. My children’s lives were not supposed to be this way.

Fall 2020

Separation in any form is very likely devastating, but this kind of change all at once is crushing. While I was honest with my daughter tonight and explained to her that I don’t have all of the answers, I do know the one who does. I know the one who can carry all of our burdens, I know the one who came to give us abundant life, if we make his will and his way our priority. He is the only one who can make our lives different.

I asked her if she could trust me as I trust Him. I also told her to start crying out to Jesus, when it feels like it’s too much to handle. I too need to do a bit more of that myself. Though the road ahead is not easy, two very important lessons emerged, one, my daughter is watching me and two, she needs more of the real messy, mustard see faith me to guide her to Jesus. There is nothing more urgent than that!

Growing in faith with grace,

AngelaChristine